I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
