what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
