I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
