Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
