Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
