Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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