yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
