I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
