my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Farmville is her only friend.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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