My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
