you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
