omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm at about main and main street
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
