the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
