ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
