if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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