I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Come share oat with me in your robe
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
