He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
