Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You're breaking my sexual little heart
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
