im six kinds of drunk right now
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Two words: nipple clamps
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