He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
