For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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