I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Randomize
