And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
