we have pet lesbian snakes
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
