My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
