Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
