I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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