trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
