haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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