mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
