My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
