why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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