Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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