I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
