I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
