he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
