Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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