we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
