can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
