I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
