Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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