How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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