Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
