I think I died a long time ago.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
