i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Drunk is not a location!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
