somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
