he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
