I just made out with a guy for $7.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
