life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
