lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
